A Forever Kind of Deal
by MaskedScissorDoll
Summary: "This is not how you ask someone to marry you!" she shouted. "You have to make everything about you, and about your needs. What about me? I need to know that you love me and you don't just need me- And that I love you, I need to know that for sure. I can't marry you because you're afraid I'm going to die."
1. What are you proposing

"This is not really a forever kind of deal, you know that right?" He told her.

She didn't look up from her video game. "Mmmhmmm... So you keep telling me."

"Well, I just don't want you to feel sad or anything," he said. "You know, when I'm gone."

"Okay, I won't feel sad," Fionna said.

He scowled at her. "This is serious, Fionna. I mean, I love you and stuff, but you've got an expiration date."

"Uhuh," she said. "Thanks for the reminder, Marshall Lee."

"Last of your kind and junk," said Marshall, helpfully.

"Yeah, yeah. Heard it before."

"You realize you're like an adult now," he said.

"Really? I had no idea," she finally put her game down. "So, you're saying I'm too old for you."

"No, that's not it at all. Look, Fionna," said Marshall, "I just said I love you. And I know we've talked about this-"

"Again, not today. Don't know what I'm going to want tomorrow, Marshall, but once again, today is not the day I want to- to do that."

"It won't even hurt," he reasoned, scooting closer to her ear.

"Not even likely, because it's not going to happen. Not today, and probably not soon."

His fingers rubbed his temple, "It's just that, you know, I worry about you. All feeble and junk."

"Marshall Lee! I'm 18, not 82, I am not 'all feeble and junk.'"

"You will be!" he shouted. Her face went still. He couldn't tell if she was angry or scared yet. He took a gamble and elaborated. "Have you ever seen an old human being? No, you haven't. There aren't any anymore, and do you know why that is? It's because human beings are fragile, and they only get more fragile over time."

"You want me to marry you," she said, absolutely deadpan, "and in order to convince me to marry you, you're going to try to frighten me. This is so typical of you, Marshall Lee. Is there a problem you can't solve by startling someone?"

He looked away, hurt. "Listen," he said, "Listen, because I want to be sure you've heard this." He turned back, and made eye contact with her. "I love you. I never want to spend a minute of my life, or my unlife, or whatever you want to call it, without knowing I'll see you again. I waited a thousand years just to meet you, do you have any idea how hollow my life would be if you were to just wander back out of it again?"

"This is not how you ask someone to marry you!" she shouted. "You have to make everything about you, and about your needs. What about me? I need to know that you love me and you don't just need me- And that I love you, I need to know that for sure. I can't marry you because you're afraid I'm going to die."

He leaned his head on her shoulder, almost despairing.

"I never tell you no, Marshall," Fionna said, "just not today. And not any day until I know what I want, and I really understand what it is that you want. And if that day comes, not when but if, then I'll marry you, and you could turn me into a vampire- or a lizard for all I care, so long as I'm sure. You're not making me sure, you're just making me panic."

She ran her fingers through his hair and continued, "You know, I thought getting married was suppose to be about romance. I thought it was about promising something. I've never been to a wedding, so maybe it's an urban myth."

"You went to Gumball's," Marshall said.

"That doesn't count, it was an arranged marriage," she said, "It was about politics or lineage or something, I don't know. We all know they're both seeing someone else, so I don't know what the point was to any of that. But they're not people like us," she said. "They're not people like us, who love each other. And because we love each other, above all other reasons, I think we should take getting married and turning me into a vampire and whatever else it is you want very seriously."

"Why didn't Cake and Monochromicorn get married?" he asked, suddenly, as though this were the first time he'd ever thought of the question. "They have children together, they've been dating for a long time. Why don't they get married?"

"I think it's probably pretty much like why we aren't married yet," Fionna said, "Marriage is way serious business. How many times has LSP been married now?"

"That's a thing that can be counted?" Marshall asked. "Still doesn't make sense."

"The one thousand year old vampire prefers traditional marriage over cohabitation. Noted."

"Don't make fun of me for being old fashioned," Marshall said, crossing his arms.

"I'm not making fun of you for being old fashioned, I'm making fun of you for being old," she said. "But it does kind of make sense that you would be a traditionalist I guess. I've never met a human grandpa."

He sulked.

"But I guess that's what a grandpa would be like," she giggled, "Are you mad?"

"No," he said.

"Oh, come on, you're a little bit mad. Cheer up, sad sack," she said, "I'm here with you."

He softened. "I don't know how I'm going to convince you-"

"Not with that attitude," Fionna said, "That's how. You need to let life happen to us a little bit. I'm a big girl, I don't need a man to take care of me. But I do want to be with you."

"Fionna," he said, and then he was quiet. And before long, he was humming something she hadn't heard before, and she nearly swooned, because she knew he was writing her a song again. She didn't want to break him from this, especially not before he could write it down. He went up stairs, and she went back to her video game.

She wondered if she'd get tired of his moods, if they got married. She'd have to get tired of something, if she lived to be a thousand like Marshall Lee. She'd never tell him, but that was one reason she was hesitant to accept his offers. She wondered whether they could stay together forever. And if they couldn't, forever would be a very long time to spend without him, especially once all her other friends were dead.

And there were a lot of things about being a vampire that would be hard for her. She'd miss sunny days, and spending time with Cake, and having her own skin tone. That was another thing she wondered about.

Would her skin go blue like Marshall Lee's after they were "married?" Or did he look like that before? He was half demon, but what was the other half? What did he look like before he turned?

It wasn't so much a vanity issue as it was a sign that she knew tragically little about being a vampire and he hadn't endeavored to explain much to her. Was he embarrassed? Did he think it was awkward?

She didn't know, and that was lumping terrifying. She didn't know if they could have children together as vampires, or if she would be the last human there is giving up the last of humanity there would ever be to spend more time than she deserved with someone she loved.

When they talked about it, he only wanted to call it marriage, but the context made it obvious that he wanted more than that. He didn't want to talk about any of the hard parts she anticipated. He only wanted to talk about the scary things about staying human, and he never mentioned the scary things about being a vampire.

But she wanted to say yes. She loved him, absolutely. She knew that much, that if she had forever she'd want to spend it with Marshall Lee. And Prince Gumball, Cake, Monocromicorn, LSP, Treetrunks, both Lemongrabs, all of them, they'd come and go. But Marshall Lee was forever, living or dead. The desperation he felt was just as near to her heart, though she'd never tell him that. Because she wasn't afraid of dying. Every human being before her, with very few exceptions, died. Her friends would die. Her sister would die. She could live out her entire life with him and then die, and she'd be happy, because she knew that in whatever beyond Glob had built, she'd be with friends. And he was strong, and he could find someone else someday and do it all again. But if he left her alive, that would be a unique new pain.

So that was her real sticking point. She didn't really want to be a vampire because she didn't know what it would mean for her. It was too lumping mysterious, and she didn't know how to demystify his world. But she did want to marry him. She did want the guarantee that he'd stay with her as long as she lived. She wanted the promise that he'd love her for a very long time.

Forever, though, was a scary word, and it was the word he wanted to use. He wanted to bring her into the darkness with him and never let go. And that would be hard. It would come with the stigma she knew he carried. Gumball never liked Marshall Lee, and it wasn't because he was a musician. And Marshall was always telling her that vampires were evil.

And then there was Marshall's title. He never really talked about what being the Vampire King meant. She had a feeling that any vampire court there may be wouldn't be very nice. He wasn't born the Vampire King, his mother was the Lady of Evil. She didn't really want to know how he'd earned his prestige.

Oh, and marrying into the Abadeer family. That's a whole new level of horror.

But she was afraid to be alone. She'd never been with anyone else. She thought something might happen between her and Gumball at one point, but then she and Marshall Lee had gotten closer and she didn't understand how she could have ever thought about anyone else.

There were other suitors, she'd been pursued by a number of handsome princess and a few not so handsome ones. Marshall Lee had very nearly had a dangerous altercation with Flame Prince. But by then she already knew what she wanted.

And when he confessed... That was the best day of her life. She felt like she'd only just discovered what happiness is.

And now he was trying to seal the deal. But his tactics were critically flawed. It was completely unromantic, but it was very Marshall Lee and she could tell it came from his heart.

And it made her miserable, because she didn't want to have to choose. She felt too young to get married, but her relationship was that serious.

When he came back down the stairs, she noticed a change in him. It wasn't his posture, really, but it was something akin to that. If she had no other indication, his war bass slung from his guitar strap would have told her she was going to hear more than a typical song.

And he sang,

"You want me to make a promise,  
Fionna. And it's taken me a while,

I'm bad at talking about my feelings,

Mushiness isn't my style.

And you always know what I mean  
Fionna, I don't need to speak my mind

But you know I think you're mathematical.

You're beautiful, intuitive and kind.

I've spent a thousand years,

Keeping a lock on my heart,  
But now that I know you, Fionna,

Maybe that's not very smart.

How could I make a promise,

As firm as the way that I feel?

I wouldn't do this for anyone but you,  
Fionna, because it wouldn't be real."

And then he stopped singing, and Fionna started to feel very nervous. She knew what he was going to do.

He took off his guitar strap and set his bass aside. He got down on one knee. The Vampire King humbled himself completely and was at her mercy and hers alone. Suddenly the question wasn't about him anymore, it was about her. He dug in his shirt pocket for a moment and then produced the inevitable box. And time stopped. And Fionna stood breathless, watching him. But then time started again, and she reached her hand down and put her hand on the lid before he could open it.

But she could not put her hands over his mouth, and the words came out and for once she took them seriously. "Fionna, will you marry me?"

She stood stock still, she barely breathed. He'd asked a thousand times, but now it felt more real. The shape of the question had changed. It was the same, he'd used those words too many times already. But his heart was more in them than it had every been before, with all his frantic begging and vague threats, this was as sudden as it would have been if he'd attacked her. He hadn't said anything new or different. But this time the words sounded right.

She almost felt trapped, not by him, but by her own feelings. She couldn't say no, but she could still say not today. This time she meant it less.

"Could we try living together first?" she said, after a while.

"Is that a yes?"

"No," she said, "It's a maybe. And it's chock full of conditions. We're going to live together, and I'm going to need to like it. And you're going to have to teach me about what it means to actually be a vampire. And then, if I think we can do the forever thing, then you can..." she felt of her neck. "Marry me. But only if I'm sure that's what I want to do, and you're still sure it's what you want to do."

"Okay," he said, "But you're getting your own room."

"What?" she said, "Are we going to sleep in separate beds when we're married?"

"No, silly," he said, "I just don't want to kill you in my sleep or something. I mean, not that I'd do that, it's just, you know, you smell nice and I might get hungry."

"You're kidding, right?" she asked.

"Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not. I am evil you know," he said. "Definitely very evil."

"Whatever, Marshall."


	2. A fish could love a bird

"I'm not going to go live in the cave house. I love you, but not that much," Fionna said.

Marshall huffed and looked out over the starlit landscape. They were having another midnight hillside picnic, which was a mutual favorite kind of date. "Well, I'm not going back to live in the treehouse. I lived there with my ex, it'd be way creepy."

"I guess we're going to have to go house hunting then," she said, "Find a place big enough for both of us, and Cake too."

"Cake?" he said, "Cake was so not in this bargain."

"Cake is in every bargain as far as I'm concerned. There is absolutely no way I'm going to just leave her living by herself," Fionna said.

"Couldn't she go live with Lord Monochromicorn?"

"I'm not pressuring my sister to move in with her boyfriend."

"But what about us?" he said, putting his hand on hers. "What about me and my completely algebraic fiance? Don't you want us to have a cute little love nest?"

She looked him in the eyes. "Since when did you ever want anything cute?"

"Since I noticed how cute you were."

"Knock it off," said Fionna. She blushed scarlet which only drew him closer to her. "My sister is non negotiable."

"Fine," he said. He kissed her on the nose, then he kicked up and took to the air a few feet above her. "Cake lives with us. But maybe it would be better if she had like a side apartment, you know? So she can have some privacy for when she and Lord Monochromicorn-"

"No details, please!" she said. "It was disturbing enough last time you said it. You're right, we need space, they need space. But I want those spaces to be close enough to share a kitchen and a couch and junk."

"I'm all for it," he said. "But if a vampire is going to live there, there are some safety concerns."

"Dish it out, I can take it," she said.

"Like I said, before we're married you're going to need your own room. And if a vampire is going to live in our house. Vampire being me, and maybe you later," he said, pretending to believe she was still only considering marrying him, "We're going to need ways to be absolutely sure that sunlight can't get in. Major advantage to living in a cave? The sun can't sneak in on us while we're asleep."

"Oh," she said.

"We can find a pretty cave," he offered, "and we can put in lights or something. I want you to be happy, and I want you to like our house. But the most important thing for me is that you're safe. And if you're a vampire and we live somewhere in the open, that's one problem we could have."

"What kind of pretty cave?" she asked, "With like a waterfall and some rocks?"

"I'll find us a cave with a waterfall, math rocks that look like teeth, and lots of cool bat neighbors," he said. "Whatever you can find about caves that you like, we'll make it happen. We'll live in a cave big enough to hike in. And I'll build us a house."

"Wow," she said, "You've built a house before?"

"Thousand years old, girl," he said, "Getting good at it."

"Fine, but I'm going to help. I'm not useless," she said.

"Know how to use a hammer?" he asked.

"Can't be that hard," she said.

"That's my girl," he said, "So lumping industrious."

She reached into the basket beside her and pulled out an apple. She took a bite out of it and handed it to him. He put his lips to the red peel and paused, thoughtfully. "This will be a good opportunity for us, you know?" he said, "We can really make this our kind of place. Dark enough for me, friendly enough for you. Very us."

She heard the momentary crunch of him biting into the apple. He handed it back to her; it was completely white. She took a bite out of it and it tasted the same. The physics of this process escaped her. She knew there had to be science involved but it seemed more like magic. It was moments like this that the differences between them stood out to her. He was trying, but his whole world still seemed foreign to her. Metaphorically and physically. The Nightosphere is a terrifying place.

She reached up and he took her hand, and they stayed there for a long time, not saying anything. He rubbed her hand with his fingers.

"You know, if we're thinking about getting married-"

There it was. The prefix to every serious question Fionna asked these days. And some of them were really uncomfortable. He was pretty sure this was going to be one of those.

"we're going to need to think about the house. How long we're going to want to live there, and whether we're going to need extra rooms later-"

He congratulated himself on being right internally. He definitely knew where this was going. This was one of the big ones he knew she was going to ask eventually. And he dealt with it the way he always dealt with the really big awkward questions she was so bad at asking.

"Yes, I could give you a pretty serious case of the babies if you're interested in those," he said, halting her in her thoughts. This response served two purposes. It was educational. It was also so completely ridiculous that it prevented her from making any meaningful statements. He was a little scared to find out how interested she was in having children. Was this a hypothetical question or something she'd put a lot of thought into? He'd support her no matter what she wanted, and he was at least a little interested in the baby question himself. But it was still a scary issue for him. He followed it up with, "But absolutely not for a little while. You're going to need to adjust to the changes you're going to go through. And I want it to be just us for a while. Then we can think about what we want to do," he fumbled for words, "about that."

"Well, I was just saying," she said, "That maybe it wouldn't hurt to plan ahead. You know, so we won't have to move again for a while."

"You haven't even told me for sure you're going to marry me yet," he said. He laughed, "And now you want me to talk about having babies with you." Her face was turning red again; he tried unsuccessfully to push down his attraction to it. "Next you're going to want me to say how many, right?" he said, "Do you think ten is enough for the first twenty years?"

"You ding dong," she said. She sounded grumpy, so he kissed her hand.

"Let's just build a big house," he said, "and try not to fill up any rooms for a while."

"That may be the most brutal teasing ever given," she said. "Maybe you are evil."

"I thought that was crystal clear," he said.

"Clear as ice?" she asked, and he was confused as to what she was alluding to for a second. Of course, he hadn't forgotten Fionna's animosity for the Ice Queen.

"What now?" he said, "Why is she bothering you now?"

"What would she be to our children?" Fionna asked.

The question made Marshall Lee feel a little bit hostile. He released Fionna's hand, and she withdrew a bit. "I know you don't like her, and really I have a hard time liking her sometimes. She's not who she use to be," he said, "But she means a lot to me. Kind of like family. And you know this. And we're talking about hypothetical children from a marriage that doesn't have a date yet. I swear, Fionna, sometimes it's like you're trying to make me upset just to see what it does to me."

"Okay," she said, "You're right, that wasn't fair. I have friends you don't like too. Like Gumball."

"Let's make a list," he said, shrugging. He let his feet touche the ground and crouched beside her again. "Thing is, we're going to be together for a long time. And that means the people in your life have to be in my life, and the people in my life have to be in yours. Most of your people are goody-goodies and most of mine are evil, and there's going to be conflict there."

"Oh, glob, I hadn't even thought about that," she said, "Seating at the wedding is going to be-"

"Like something out of the Nightosphere. Reasonable comparison," he said. "I don't even think we can seat my parents in the same section. No one will want to sit next to my mom. You're going to have the scariest mother in law in the history of-"

"Don't freak me out, man," she said, "You're making my stomach feel junked."

He put an arm around her. "Okay, let's talk something else. How many rooms are we going to need to store all those babies?"

She punched him hard in the arm and he cackled at her.

"None, because I'm not going to marry you if you're mean to me," she said.

"You like me better when I'm mean to you," Marshall said.

She huffed, "And how would you know that?"

"Demon eyes," he said, showing them off nonchalantly.

"I've got to say," Fionna said, "I am oddly attracted to the demon eyes." She kissed his cheek.


	3. Entering this institution

One might wonder where some of Fionna's doubts about marriage come from. A few years ago, a friend of theirs got married.

Marshall Lee hadn't planned to attend Gumball's wedding at all. There were basically two things he didn't like about it. The first part was that it was a wedding, which is a melodramatic festival of emotional garbage. The second part was that he did not care. He didn't care about Gumball's choices, he didn't care about Gumball's wife. Most of all, he didn't care because he knew the whole marriage was more of Gumball's wholesome self sacrificing tactics.

For whatever reason, Gumball was convinced that he had to marry into another kingdom's aristocracy. Marshall wasn't clear as to whether there was a law about this, because again, he didn't care. But Gumball was adamant that he had to marry this princess even though Marshall knew for a fact that Gumball had no intention of breaking up with his "secret" girl friend. The whole idea that Gumball could ever successfully have a secret anything was absurd, least of all a girl friend. Marshall tried not to question stupid out loud, because then people tried to explain things, and it was a waste of time, because he didn't really care.

But even Marshall Lee had his weakness. When Fionna showed up at his door that evening, she didn't ask if he was coming. She asked whether he was ready. And he knew any argument he came up with would get him nowhere. He really hated it when she was assertive, because then she was both attractive and persuasive.

"Yes," he said, "I'll wear this." She raised an eyebrow at the notion. He hadn't changed since yesterday. But she didn't argue. She didn't want to wear a dress, why make him wear a suit?

Still, she had put in the effort. Although she did not take off her hat, her attire was more formal than typical. He had a great deal of appreciation for her dress. She was wearing blue, as she frequently did. Her dress was slinky in satin. He was sure Cake made it, Fionna wasn't one for sewing. He wondered if Cake had meant the dress to flaunt Fionna's mighty fine shape. She caught him looking, but she took it in stride, she was use to his flirtations. Lately she'd been writing him off as a sleaze, which made him feel like she'd written him off entirely.

"Want a ride?" he said, eyebrow arched, "I think you're going my way."

"I guess," she said, "Cake wasn't ready yet so I ditched her, she'll meet us at the castle."

"You okay? You sound kind of bummed," Marshall asked.

"I'm just not sure how I feel about being Gumball's best dude," Fionna said, "Also, I think he's getting married for mad wack reasons."

"I will not disagree," Marshall said, taking Fionna's hand. He hoisted her arm up on his shoulder and lifted them both into the air. "But you want to show him you support his decision, right?"

"But I don't really," Fionna said, looking down at the passing landscape. "I mean, I don't like-like him these days, but it does feel funny to know he's getting married. And I've never even met the lady he's marrying."

"That is pretty weird," he agreed, "But you've got to understand, this is royalty shenanigans, not regular shenanigans. My mom tried to pull this stuff on me. Vampire King, you know? Stuff I gotta do. But I bucked the system. Gumball just doesn't want to rock the boat."

"I get that," Fionna said. "It just doesn't seem fair. He's our friend, and he's getting forced into an arranged marriage."

"Woah, girl," he said, "Let's back that up. I know for a fact he's not getting forced into anything, and he arranged this thing himself. Believe me. This is an unfortunate fate of his own design."

"Really?" she asked, "Did you guys-"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, "Surprisingly enough, we had a whole conversation about it. It was awkwardsauce, but I don't know. It makes sense. It's all politics with him. And he managed to find a girl every bit as weird and useless as he is."

"Gumball isn't useless. He's just kind of helpless," Fionna said.

"Hopeless is more like it," Marshall Lee said. "Look, if he had a single brain cell, he would have married someone like you. I mean, you're beautiful." She didn't take the flirting seriously anymore. He wondered if he should feel relieved. "But more importantly, you're strong. And he needs strong to protect him from the world. Alas. His brain is made of candy floss."

"Sweet of you to say," she said, "But I'm glad he didn't marry me, he's not really my type. I need somebody who can keep up with me."

Marshall took this opportunity to flip them both upside down, and she hit him for it. He pretended he was going to drop her, and she clung to him tightly. This was his preferred response.

"Thanks for the hug," he told her as they approached their destination.

"Please don't mention it," she said, annoyed. "If you don't mention it, I won't have to hit you again."

He chuckled and stood her on her feet at the castle door. The guards saw them in to the ushers, and the ushers showed them to the great hall.

"I guess I've got to go do best dude stuff," Fionna said. "I wish PG had a dude friend who could do this, I feel kind of weird about it."

"Now that is just crazy talk," Marshall Lee said. "You know you're his best friend, right?"

"Yeah," Fionna said.

"Then you're the dude he needs today. Go take care of biz, Fionna," Marshall said, and he gave her a reassuring hug and a thumbs up. She smiled and followed his suggestion. As she walked to her station, Marshall considered sneaking out. He knew he was about to have a boring couple of hours. There would be the politically driven meaningless and likely unconsummated marriage, the dreadful poorly thought out vows, the sappy and inappropriate wedding songs, and of course, the food. Marshall was sure the menu had been made to accommodate all parties, so there would be something there he could eat. That might have been what kept him in his pew. Or, it could have been the knowledge Fionna would be looking for him.

It wasn't long until Marshall was seeing familiar faces. Treetrunks was sitting next to Doctor Prince, Hot Dog Prince was sitting by Futball. Lord Monochromicorn was saving a seat for Cake. He wasn't sure why he was surprised when Lumpy Space Prince came in with his date and sat beside him.

"Who's this?" Marshall asked, only half interested.

"This is Tumbling Princess," LSP said, "I met her on E-Monogamy. She's in the shipping business."

"I mostly ship Destiel," Tumbling Princess said.

"So, she's in the steel industry," LSP whispered to Marshall Lee loudly, "but at least she's cute. And I think she's ex military because she was in the Flame Wars."

"Well, it's-" Marshall scrambled for an appropriate lie. He gave up. "It looks like they spent a lot of money on this wedding."

"Say what you will about Gumball," LSP said, "He really knows how to throw a sham wedding."

"What, so you know about that too?" Marshall asked.

"Who doesn't?" LSP asked, "We all know this is ridiculous, we're just going along with it because we know Gumball."

"I guess," Marshall said.

And then somebody sat down next to him, and he started feeling cold. He looked, and there was the Ice Queen.

"Are you telling me that Gumball actually sent you an invitation to his wedding?" Marshall Lee asked her.

"Well, yeah," the Ice Queen said. "Why wouldn't he? We've known each other for a long time, of course he's going to invite me to his wedding. No harm done, right?"

"Isn't he afraid you're going to cause an interruption or kidnap him or something?"

"Nope," she said. She almost looked gleeful, she was holding her program and reading it carefully. She grinned. "Cheer up kid, it's a wedding."

"Just so we're clear, you're aware this isn't your wedding, right?" Marshall said, "You don't think there's some kind of misunderstanding or something?"

"Not today, today Gumball's getting married."

"Huh," he said, rubbing his hand in his hair. He was genuinely confused. "And you don't feel any need to, you know, stop him?"

"Why would I do that?"

"What do you mean, why would you do that? Why wouldn't you do that?" Marshall said. "I don't understand you sometimes."

"You think I'm just some crazy lady, out to ruin the day for the good guys. Well, you're wrong there, bud. Today's a special day. Today's about love and marriage and junk, right, Gilda?" She looked over her shoulder at the row of penguins seated behind her. The one called Gilda shrugged. "That's right. And we wouldn't ruin this just for our own selfish reasons, would we?" Gilda shrugged again. "See? Even my henchmen have better morals than you."

"Simone, what's really going on here? I know about-"

"Just go with the flow, Marshall," Simone said, and she looked him in the eye. "Just go with the flow."

"But I don't-"

The Ice Queen put a finger on Marshall's upper lip. "The Flow. Go with it."

Marshall Lee almost visibly deflated. As little as he cared about Gumball's wedding, he did care about Simone's feelings. He had expected this to be heartbreaking for her. Did she really understand what was going on? He couldn't be sure, and if he were somehow able to get through to her that this was not a good thing from her perspective she'd probably ruin the wedding.

"So, how's Fionna?" the Ice Queen asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"She's about the same. Very Fionna," Marshall Lee said, "I just saw her a few minutes ago."

"No," the Ice Queen said, "I mean, how are you and Fionna doing?"

Marshall almost blushed, but there wasn't enough blood in his face to color his cheeks. "We're uh," Marshall said, "We're just friends. She's not in any hurry to get tied down with dating and stuff. And anyway, who's to say either of us like each other that way?"

The Ice Queen wiggled her eyebrows. "You know I know you better than that," she said, "Like you can hide anything that big from me."

"You are such a crazy old lady," Marshall said, his eyes darting around the pews to see if anyone was looking, and of course LSP was hanging on their every word. He already knew there was something going on between Marshall and Fionna, but he was always listening for new developments to gossip about.

The Ice Queen laughed. "You're so easy to read, you're worse than she is sometimes."

In the chaos of the day, Marshall had failed to notice the music, but now it was unmistakeable. The procession had begun. He didn't know anyone in the wedding party aside from Fionna and Prince Gumball.

Luchador Princess was the last to file in. Here comes the bride.

Fionna looked more nervous than the bride and groom, standing in front of the entire candy kingdom beside her friend. She smiled at Marshall Lee. The Ice Queen jabbed him in the arm with her elbow, which was cold but not sharp.

It was a boring ceremony, Reverend Pinwheel used a familiar, typical, very official sounding ceremony. Marshall couldn't help but watch Fionna standing beside Gumball at the front of the church with a strange fascination. First he thought of how grateful he was that she wasn't going to be the bride today.

Then of course his thoughts turned to fantasy. He imagined how Fionna's wedding would be different from Gumball's. These flowers would have to go, pink isn't Fionna's favorite. He wondered what the groom would look like. Would he be tall, like Prince Gumball? Or would he be shorter, like the Flame Prince? Marshall couldn't imagine Fionna marrying a prince at all. She was too good for pomp and circumstance, she deserved an equal. She deserved a king.

And then he caught himself. He'd developed a little crush, and that made things awkward. He knew she liked him back, but talking about feelings? So not his style. Besides, they were just friends, and worst of all she was a mortal. Talk about messy.

He tried to pay attention to the ceremony. "Do you, Prince Gumball, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded..." Marshall zoned out again. He could not make himself care.

Back to Fionna then. His eyes lingered on the bouquet Gumball had designed for her to carry. Only Gumball would make a bouquet out of donuts. The one with the pink icing was calling to him, and he knew she'd save it for him. They had that kind of friendship.

"I now pronounce you-"

Marshall Lee shot a glance at Ice Queen, but she smiled at him and mouthed, 'The flow.' He shrugged. There was no understanding her logic.

"Husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Luchador Princess and Prince Gumball leaned in, but before they could kiss, Prince Gumball opened a fan and raised it to shield their faces. The fan had a picture of their new family crest on it, which was a pink sugar skull lying on top of a pile of sweets.

The wedding party then proceeded out again, and the guests filed from the great hall to the banquet hall. Fionna hung back to wait for him. Cake was already with her.

"I can't believe I missed the whole ceremony! Was it beautiful?"

"No," said Marshall, "it was just kind of boring. Music was boring. Ceremony was boring. The flowers were boring."

"Sh!" Fionna said, "What if someone hears you?"

"I don't care," Marshall said, "I talked to LSP earlier. And Ice Queen, oddly enough. Everybody knows this is a sham."

"Well, try not to know it so loudly," Fionna said. "You might hurt someone's feelings."

He rolled his eyes. "Nobody cares."

"What was the point of all of this?" Cake asked.

"Cake!" Fionna said, "You're not going to start in on this too?"

"Well, it is kind of weird," Cake said.

When they got to the banquet hall, they all started to sit down together, but they were shocked to find Prince Gumball had planned ahead.

"Assigned seating?" Marshall Lee said, "How archaic."

"Have to keep the order in here somehow, don't I?" asked Gumball, who'd appeared behind them through the doorway.

Fionna looked nervous. "How long have you been standing-"

"Where did you put us?" Marshall asked, attempting to spare them all from an awkward conversation.

"Everybody's alphabetized," Prince Gumball said.

"That's an interesting choice," Marshall said. He looked at the prince critically, but he could not discern anything meaningful.

"Please, have a seat," Prince Gumball said, "Refreshments will be served momentarily."

Marshall Lee found his seat. He was disappointed (but unsurprised) to find himself at a table with Lord Monocromicorn, Lumpy Space Prince, Prince Muscles, Luchador Princess, and the Countesses of Lemongrab. Worst day ever. Few people could understand Lord Monocromicorn's Morse Code, and that meant much of the time was spent translating things back and forth. Marshall didn't know Luchador Princess or Prince Muscles well. And then there's the Lemongrabs, who were mostly talking to each other in whispered voices. Had they been bribed or threatened into good behavior? Their strident dialogue was still very grating.

He looked over at Prince Gumball, who was seated between the Ice Queen and Fionna, and he felt deeply jealous. That was a choice piece of real estate from his perspective. The Ice Queen and Fionna hated each other, but at least the conversation would be interesting, and they were his favorite people.

Marshall knew that other people expected him to be the life of the party, but he had little to say and less interest in the conversation of others. He kept looking over his shoulder at Fionna. And then he noticed it. Prince Gumball was holding the Ice Queen's hand under the table. 'Really?' Marshall Lee thought. And then it occurred to him that there was something fishy about the seating arrangements. Lemongrabs, Luchador Princess, Muscle Prince, Lumpy Space Prince, Marshall Lee Abadeer, Lord Monocromicorn. That wasn't really alphabetical order.

And then he noticed how close Muscle Prince was sitting to Luchador Princess, and it all started to make some kind of insane sense. He still didn't know why, but it seemed that the newlyweds were equally uninterested in each other. He wondered where the Luchador Princess's family was. He started to feel sorry for her, but then he realized she looked happy. What a weird couple.

They ate and enjoyed a stilted conversation. Marshall drank the red from his punch, leaving a clear glass of juice on the table. It was accompanied by strawberries, ham, and a piece of completely inedible white wedding cake, which was followed by a red velvet groom's cake. He only ate colors, and yet he felt oddly full.

After he'd finished eating, he resigned himself to awkward conversation. But he decided he wanted company. He reached down and let his arm become the appendage of his tentacle form. It reached across the room and wrapped around Fionna's chair leg, and very slowly, as inconspicuously as possible, he pulled her to his table.

"You saved me," she whispered to him. "Ice Queen," she glanced over at Luchador Princess.

"I know," Marshall Lee said. "She's so weird sometimes. Does any of this make sense to you, because I'm confused."

"Not really," Fionna said, "But there has to be some kind of crazy logic. Do we have to know the answers?"

"No," he said, "I guess not."

The guests were instructed to go out to the courtyard for dancing. Luchador Princess and Prince Gumball were required to take the first dance.

"Dance with me," Fionna said when they were done.

He smiled. Dancing was a request he'd never refuse her. They moved together to the beat; the song was fast paced. He'd never risk a slow dance with Fionna.

"Most of today has been kind of a wash," Marshall Lee said.

"Oh yeah?" Fionna said, "Most of today?"

"Yeah," he said, "I mean, this part is pretty sweet, and the food was kind of alright. But this wedding business is plop."

"You don't want to get married?" she asked, "You know, when you meet someone?"

Marshall Lee shrugged. "I'm like a thousand years old. I think it's kind of late for me."

She seemed oddly disappointed with his answer, so he dipped her. "Are you asking for my hand in marriage, Fionna the Human?"

She giggled and righted herself. "I just want you to be happy," she said, "although I guess marriage doesn't necessarily make you happy. Today's been an eye opener."

"Don't let Gumball ruin marriage for you. It use to be kind of a thing," Marshall Lee said, "I mean, it meant you were committed to back somebody up until you're dead. It was pretty legit when people did it right."

"Hey, Fionna!" Gumball shouted, "Luchador Princess is going to toss the bouquet! You've got to catch it!"

Fionna laughed and ran to the group of girls (and Lumpy Space Prince) to prove she was the best at catching things.

Marshall Lee watched her go. He noticed that Tumbling Princess was still standing around at the back. "Aren't you going to go, you know, catch the bouquet?"

"Nah, I'd rather sit back here and try to figure out who the winner is going to marry. And besides that, I'm kind of avoiding LSP," she said, "He was lumpier in his profile picture. So, does your girlfriend have a sister?" Marshall pointed at Cake and walked away.


	4. On a need to know basis

Fionna was thoroughly annoyed.

"So, how's Luchador Princess?"

"Who?" Gumball asked, his teacup not quite reaching his mouth.

"Your wife."

"Oh, Luchador Princess? She's about the same. I bought her a new buffet table, she was pretty pleased with it. Muscle Prince helped her carry it in," Gumball said, with that nonchalant tone he always used when he discussed his wife and her boyfriend.

Fionna still didn't understand the circumstances of their wedding. She had expected there was some royal or political intrigue surrounding the wedding, but as it turned out, it had more to do with health insurance. Unfortunately, the only expert surgeon in the area was Doctor Prince, who was an evil notorious scoundrel who did not accept HMOs. Luchador Princess needed some kind of life saving series of medical procedures, and Prince Gumball had really good insurance. He had to do the neighborly thing and marry her, otherwise he would have felt gut crippling guilt for all his days.

"In another six months, we might be able to get the-" he whispered, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E." He looked from side to side, as if suspecting a spy may be in the room. "But until then we've got to keep up the, you know, the um-"

"You don't have to explain to me," Fionna said, "I'm just glad she's feeling better. It's been like two years now, right?"

"Almost three," Prince Gumball said. "Not that I wouldn't have done it anyway, if I'd known."

"So, what do you think of the house?" she asked.

"It's really," he paused thoughtfully. "Nice. I don't know, I wouldn't have chosen to live in a cave. But the house is nice. I like the color choices you've made in here."

"The cave is a safety thing," Fionna said, awkwardly. "The sun is a problem for a vampire like Marshall. We tried to make it as sunny as we could under the circumstances. We still need to paint upstairs and finish the carpeting. That kind of thing."

"Yes," Gumball said. Fionna could tell he wasn't paying attention to her. She followed his eyes to her kitchen door. He was listening to snippets of conversation between her boyfriend and the Ice Queen.

"Well, the tentacle form makes it easier for me to pick my nose-" Fionna heard Marshall say, but she'd been tuning out the conversation. The Ice Queen made her feel pretty uncomfortable.

In a way, the spontaneous, simultaneous visit had worked out really well, because it allowed Fionna and Marshall to each visit with a friend. On the other hand, the open secret was pretty distracting for everyone involved. Gumball and Ice Queen. Simone and Bubba. Yuck. But they were super bizarrely happy in an all too public way. So, Fionna and Marshall were taking the problem on tag team style, as long as they kept their friends apart, there would be no ridiculous flirtation.

And of course, Marshall dove at the chance to hang out with the Ice Queen when the alternative was entertaining the bubblegum royal. Still, he'd hoped she'd be less aware of her lover's presence in the next room.

Marshall Lee was thoroughly annoyed. He'd given her a tour of the whole house, and he was sure she wasn't listening to a word he said. He'd tested her with shocking commentary, she didn't blink. He wished she would praise the dry walling technique Simone had taught him herself many years before. Of course, she'd forgotten all of that in her struggles to control the crown and contain its power. He knew Simone was still in there, fighting the will of the evil artifact that would freeze the world.

But the madness had addled her. What other explanation could there be? No sane person would enter into a relationship with needy, salmon soaked Bubba.

"Would you like some juice, coffee, something like that?" he asked his guest, giving up on getting her opinion on waynescotting.

It was as though ten minutes of conversation had only just caught up with her. She turned to him, indignant. "Wait a minute, did you actually talk to me about using your tentacles to pick your-"

"Nope, must have been your wizard ears. Would you like a couple of strawberries or something? I ate the last apple this morning, I'm going to have to take Fionna to a farmer's market. I think we got oatmeal or something. I didn't know you were coming, or I would have bought better snacks."

The Ice Queen tried to imagine Fionna and Marshall at a farmer's market. Anything to take that horrible imagery out of her mind. "I hate you sometimes, you know that? If you wanted my attention you could've done violence. Violence would have been less jarring."

"What? All I said was-"

"No, don't say it again, when you said it the first time it was disturbing enough."

"That's what I keep telling him," Fionna said, through the door. "Wait, was he talking about the nose picking thing-"

"No, no, he wasn't," The Ice Queen said, "Because why would anyone ever talk about that? Nope, we were talking about wainscoting. I'm all for it. And strawberries will be fine, Marshall Lee. I hope you washed your hands. I take my juice with ice, but I provide my own. Excellent drywall by the way."

Marshall smirked. Another oddly effective strategy.

Fionna's face was red. Gumball tried to reassure her. "He's always been like that," Bubba said. "Just not very discreet. It's no big deal, I mean, it's the logical-"

"Oh my glob, you are not commenting on this. I do not want to know how you feel about this topic," she said. "We're just going to pretend you didn't hear anything."

"Okay," Bubba said. "I can do that." Except he was terrible at it. She was talking about the installation progress on the drapes, and he kept putting his hand over his mouth to hide his embarrassed giggling.

"Glob, Gumball!" Fionna finally exclaimed. "Are you twelve?"

And it was around that time Marshall floated in with a tray of drinks and snacks, with the Ice Queen following after him. The Ice Queen took a seat beside Gumball. Marshall sprawled in an armchair across the room.

"Ah, the handsome prince," she purred into Bubba's ear. It didn't take many shades for him to blush scarlet. The Ice Queen wrapped an arm around him.

"Oh," Gumball said. She was chilly.

Marshall Lee put his finger in his mouth, making a gagging gesture. Fionna did not disagree. 'Why did you bring her in here?' she mouthed. Marshall shrugged.

"I'm going to kick your butt," she whispered loudly.

"Wanna do that now?" he said. He wiggled his eyebrows. "We could give them some privacy."

"NOT IN MY HOUSE, WE WON'T." She whisper shouted. "We're babysitting this party whether you like it or not."

"You'd rather sit here and watch?" he said. "Because you can't stop a train, Fionna."

"Like plop I can't!" she said. "You two." She poked strawberries forcibly into their mouths, preventing any kind of kissing activity. "HOW DO YOU LIKE MY FIXTURES?"

Gumball nodded wide eyed. "Merf very bright," he said around his strawberry. "Great for cave living."

Ice Queen spat her strawberry out. "I don't like your stick lamps, but maybe with a different shade."

"EXCELLENT CRITICISM, POINT NOTED." Fionna screamed. She'd begun to remind herself of the Lemongrabs. "WELL, WE'VE HAD A GREAT VISIT, BUT I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED." She pulled both of her visitors up by the arms and escorted them to the door. "THANK'S FOR COMING BY, GOOD NIGHT."

"Good to-" Gumball started to say, but the door slammed in his face, leaving him and the Ice Queen standing on the doorstep.

"I think it's still daylight," she said, "Do you want to come by my place? I think Gunther's making pancakes tonight."

"Sure," Gumball said. "I think Luche and Muscles have gone skiing, I've got nothing planned tonight."

"You are just way to nice, you know that?" Ice Queen said, "Surely she's better by now, if she can go skiing."

"It won't be long," he said, "I'm sure it'll be over soon. I want to be sure she has a clean bill of health."

It was around that time that the screaming and laughter started inside. First she was screaming and he was laughing, then he was screaming and she was laughing.

"Should we check on them?" Prince Gumball said.

"Nah, he'll be fine," said the Ice Queen. And sure enough, after a minute they could hear the pair of them giggling together. "See?" she said, "I think they're the same kind of weird."

"That tentacle thing," Prince Gumball said as they walked away. "That is pretty freaky."

"Ugh, I wish he would respect his own privacy."


End file.
